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#7036360 Nov 27, 2012 at 10:31 AM · Edited over 6 years ago
1240 Posts
Blood of my blood
Skin of my skin
A normal human being
Solder and wires
Far from human being


It was pretty obvious that this was a dream. A man like me didn't get this lucky. I was lying next to the perfect woman; pale skin, blonde hair, and a flawless body. As I watched, she grinned and bit her lower lip.

Why fight a good dream? I leaned forward and closed my eyes as I kissed my dream girl.

Her lips were oddly cold. I opened my eyes and stared in shock upon a skull of metal and plastic. An animatronic hand reached out to touch my face, "Is there something wrong, Mr. Kohler?"


And suddenly I was wide awake, my eyes fixed on the empty space next to me, "Wh...the fuck was that?"

I gripped my headboard and pulled myself into a sitting position. I just sat there a moment, mentally going over exactly what that nightmare meant. None of my conclusions were good, "Lassie, what time is it?"

Although I'd only asked the time, the chipper A.I. rattled off the morning report and turned on a holo-display, "It is 8:23 AM, Eastern time. The weather is Sunny with a 12% chance of precipitation in the afternoon. You have 34 missed calls and 18 new messages."

I groaned and stared soberly at the call log. I hadn't missed anything, I just hadn't answered, "Alright...make me some coffee and start....playing the damn messages."

*bing* "Kohler, it's me, your agent. We need to talk about your little political statement."

*bing* "Surge, we have to get this situation under control. You're in hot water right now, buddy."

*bing* "Your PR is shit, Kohler. Do you understand what that means? You need to make a public apology. Hell, I'd like an apology, too."

*bing* "Look, big guy, just tell everyone you had a little Charlie Sheen moment and you're really sorry. It was all just a weird celebrity break down. Everybody get's a few."

*bing* "Kohler, we just lost our contract with Narcola. Are you happy right now? Because I am FURIOUS!"

*bing* "Guess who I just spoke with? Michael Bay. Guess who's playing the lead in his next movie? NOT YOU!"

While the onslaught of good news spewed forth from my voicemail, I got dressed and poured myself some coffee, "Well at least I still have my life-time supply of Meta-Bean." My gaze drifted around the kitchen and out the window, onto the back porch, "Lassie, I think that's enough for now. Contact 'Mom'. I'll take the call on the patio."

A holo-display popped up next to me as I stood in the backyard, admiring the Sun. My step-mother answered the call a few moments later, showing up on the screen at her kitchen table dressed in a night-gown. Her expression was one unique to herself, a mixture of concern and amusement, "Good morning, my 'son'. You've called me a dozen times in the past two weeks after not speaking to me for five years. Are we making up for lost time?"

I idly swirled my coffee mug around and squinted at how bright everything was outside, "Janine, I need to talk to you about a woman."

She snorted and began laughing at me. Fortunately she had the decorum to compose herself after I started to look annoyed, "My apologies, Sergio, that was rude. Please, tell me about your lady friend."

She listened as I described the being that had been troubling me the last few months. At the end of it she nodded and sniffed, letting the information settle in, "Well, Sergio...are you going to ask her out?"

I turned to stare at the screen in surprise, "What? Janine, she's a robot."

"So are most people." She grinned wickedly, "Now, my real concern here is, can this android of yours give me grandchildren?"

I scoffed, "You're awful. And I never said anything about any...romantic interests. That's just...strange."

She made a little 'hmf', sounding very unconvinced, "My son, I think you need to come to terms with the fact that you're very unpopular right now. Perhaps you should consider broadening your dating pool from 'human female' to 'anything that can tolerate you'. Now then, I'm going to go and get dressed because I have a job to get to. You may want to make sure you still have one as well, hm?"

Lassie chimed in, "Call ended."

*bing* "Kohler, it's me, your agent."

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